Who says we don’t have spies in North Korea?
Our friends from Wiki Leaks have passed us a transcript (which they haven’t posted on their website yet) of a recently recorded meeting between North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un and his staff.
Following is the conversion between Kim (in bold) and other unidentified members (in plain).
Good morning everybody
Good morning my supreme leader
Lets start with status report.
The missiles are now ready to launch. Just need your GO-command.
Have the foreign diplomats left town?
No Sir, they are still here.
Hmm.. What about the foreigners in South Korea?
Actually, right now there are more coming than leaving.
What about the plutonium plant?
That it is still years away.
WHY DOES IT TAKE SO LONG?
Well, your grandfather had it destroyed, and now it just takes time to put the pieces of rubble together again. You should try it some time.
You said, my granddaddy?
Yes, Sir. Years ago he negotiated a deal and agreed to demolish the plant.
Sir – he is already dead.
Well – execute him again.
Did Obama call?
Not yet sir.
But he got the message?
He should have.
But you don’t know.
I think he did.
You know, from World leader to World leader I have some advice for him how to deal with Congress.
He should certainly listen to you.
Nasty folks there – no respect for the President.
It’s not like here. You have no disrespect here.
No I have a lot of friends.
Actually, Sir, you don’t any friends.
BS: I HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS
When is this CNN guy coming – what’s his name – Wulf Wuff..
Well, As far as we know, he hasn’t made any plans.
When is my BFF coming back?
You know, this, ah, basketball dud.
You mean Mr. Rodman?
Yeah. When is he coming back?
He didn’t say.
I miss him so much. He is really a friend for life, a good guy and a great leader.
Sir, I believe, Mr. Rodman doesn’t lead anything.
BS. Nobody else has said anything like that to me. It takes leadership to do something that nobody else does.
Oh, before I forget – make a reminder note for the Obama talks to request that Dennis plays in the NBA again.
Sir – my understanding is that Mr. Rodman is never going to play in the NBA again.
But Mr. Obama is the President, he can certainly …
Well, no sir. The President of the United States does not have that kind of power over his people.
Are you suggesting that everybody in the United States can do as he pleases?
It appears so…
Arrghhh .. what a country.
It is not the kind of country like we have here.
Let’s invade the United States.
I said, let’s invade the United States.
Yes Sir I start making the plans right away.
I think the best way take Alaska first and then …
Excuse me Sir ..
I don’t know if you heard about the NRA?
The NRA. This is an organization with members armed to their teeth promising to defend their homeland against any invasion.
What kind of members?
Just ordinary citizens. Defending their homes and family members.
Hm… Can’t we just bypass them on a different street?
SIR THAT IS BRILLIANT.
Well I’m the supreme leader for a reason.
YES SIR. Really brilliant.
How soon can we start?
In a couple of days we should be ready to launch.
Speaking of launch – can we launch our missile today.
Yes, of course.
Just nothing spectacular, you know. Just aim to the middle of the ocean and be sure not to hit anything. Can we do that?
Like we did in the past?
Yes. Is that a problem?
No, it is well within our capabilities.
Good. That’s all for now. Dismissed.
Good day my supreme leader.